Flatulent father drowns himself in poop!

A Father of three from Kingswood in Kent has drowned himself whilst using a bizarre home made mask he developed specifically for smelling his own farts.

Clifford Shellbreaker who lived in a bungalow off Gravelly Bottom Road had a strange fascination for making culinary cocktails tailored specifically to create the most pungent farts. He would develop new recipes and then sit in his garden shed wearing a specially modified WW2 gas mask so that he could enjoy the full experience of his art.

The filter of the mask had been sealed and a pipe extended to a pair of plastic incontinence pants. Mr Shellbreaker would guff into the pants and the smell would travel along the pipe straight into the mask so he could enjoy the totally undiluted benefit.

His wife explained that soon after they were married she made him an egg and cress sandwich. Shortly afterwards he began farting. She recalled that the smell made her retch. Her husband thought this was funny and he then developed a fascination for cooking up all kinds of recipes to find out what sort of farts and smells he could create. After their first child was born and the house was "stinking" she banned him to the garden shed where for the last 21 years he has been enjoying the fruits of his labour.

Kent County Coronor returning a verdict of accidental death said that "at 5.15pm on Sunday 14th December 2008 Mr Shellbreaker had consumed his latest recipe which had contained Whisky, Brown ale, baked beans, boiled eggs, curry powder, Tobasco sauce, Cabbage, sprouts and onions plus several as yet unidentified ingredients". He continued, "At 6.30pm he told his wife he was retiring to his shed". At 10.00pm she realised he had not returned and on entering his shed found his body slumped in his chair. Unfortunately the smell of his farts had rendered him unconscious. Tragically, he then he followed through with diarrhoea that filled the mask and sadly drowned himself.

 

How stupid can you get?

All he had to do was fit a simple non-return valve, about £2 from any plumber's shop, to prevent fluid travelling up the pipe and he would have been fine.

It would need to be a floating ball type valve; if you used a flap valve it would stop gases travelling up as well as liquids, :lever:

I wonder if he owned the patent; there could be a market in this. :>

:Booty:

 

Gravelly Bottom Road? Oh please!

Personally, I prefer to share my work and compete with the poodles...

 

First of all where did you find this.? And that is ridiculous why would you do all that to smell stinky farts.? He sounds like a life wasted in love with stench. Beans are a terrible thing but mixed with all that stuff I hope he didn"t smoke or booooooooooooooooom " What was that, oh your dad must have lit a match in the shed again. some of these things I say are stupid. Ignore the stupid things I laughed at this to the point I mcouldn"t post .

hahahahahahah, I think ew all posted at the same time.

 

No, they're wonderful...and I don't mean for their apparent after-effects.

 

Beans are tasty but you better have a hard stomach after well farts.

 

I just fart in bed, that way my wife can enjoy it as well. Plastic sheets help...

(I said she can enjoy it, that doesn't mean she does!)

 

ok..................:fish::caked:

 

Is it April Fools already?!

 

I think the address and name kinda gave it away. Though having known some Derbyshrie Farmers I really wouldn't put it past the male of the species.

 

Moderators

Whether this thread is a hoax or not - why are you allowing this filth?

 

It could be the weirdest thingy I have ever seen on this website and you are right it is kinda sick.

No it isn"t. Bit I am getting suspicious. I am afraid that well trhis smiley will tell:lie: lie. But it is not lockdown worthy it is not that bad.

 

Night ambusher, we are allowing this thread as it's obviously a hoax, and while it is rather juvenile in its humour, it is humour. If everyone were the same the world would be a boring place indeed. As it is we allow this as it doesn't overstep the rather broad boundaries we tolerate at this forum where we expect everyone to be a grown up and make their own decisions.

David posted this story as he thought it would make us chuckle, albeit with a roll of the eyes. Most of us have. I apologise profusely if this thread has offended you, however a number of others have taken the thread in jest, as it was intended.

The thread is also in the barracks, where forum rules are usually more lax, but not completely ignored.

Again i apologise if you are offended by this thread. However I am not removing or editing it.

If you are this easily offended then i suggest you stay clear of the barracks, as a number of members, myself included, have a rather dark sense of humour. David included. Sometimes the subject matter can be this purile, sometiems dark, sometimes outright childish. But unless a member racially/sexually/etc insults anyone, or has an attitude we do not tolerate here, then we let the forum moderate itself.

If you do not agree with this stance please feel free to PM me and we will discuss this in private.

 

I'm building one of these contraptions for the dog's farts......................

 

Good on you Kitty, I agree 100% with what you have said in your post :nono:

 

As this is a WW2 forum this is the only reason I posted this.


"wearing a specially modified WW2 gas mask "

 

I did it again I have been making yo9u mods do to much you have to keeo editing my posts I try to edit my posts to add things but I keep forgetting.:embarassed: I need to learn how to multi-quote.

 

Easy enough war hawk.

In the bottom right hand corner of a persons post you are reading, there are three boxes. Reply. and then two more symbols after this. Click on the one of two speech bubbles, which is mutli-quote. Make sure you click this box in each of the posts you wish to respond to, then when you have done that, scroll to the bottom of the page and click the 'reply' button (don't use quick reply).

The main reply page will come up, and the multiple posts you wish to respond to will be quoted in the box. You just need to edit the bits you want then reply.

If someone posts after you, then go back to your original post, click the Edit button and insert your response. Just a case of slowing down honey.

 

Okay tell us is it a gag or not, I hope it isn"t true .

 

War Hawk read through some of David's other posts in this section!!!!